The Black Forest Inn

Is not in the Black Forest at all, which meant my dinner date was later than usual. It didn't matter much though. The host took a pretty long time to figure out that we were waiting to be seated anyway. He genuinely seemed surprised that we were here.


The time I spent waiting did give me a moment to take in the eatery. Rich paintings of stocky bavarian men with winged helmets eating, drinking, and making merry decked the heavy wood walls. I though I recognized someone from a long time ago, but shook my head. Those days are over.



My dinner guest finally arrived, looking a bit windswept. He shook hands with me by gripping me almost too firmly by the wrist, then set down his large hammer.

"Wench, bring me a Sprecher's root beer!" He demanded at the sheepish looking waitress that was assigned to our table. After a while she came by and told us they were out. I think he settled on tea, ultimately.

"Wench, bring me the leg of a swine!" He bellowed. This she was able to help us with, although she came with a slowness that caused me to realize she was in training and not actually afraid of the old man that sat across from me. When they arrived he bit into his viciously. I followed suit and was greeted by a warm symphony of pigmeat and buttery gravy that made my heart cry out in agony and my gut cry out in pleasure.

The food, we agreed, was fit for the divine, even if the service was momentarily lax, and the atmosphere was appropriate enough. I'll definitely return to this place.

Gasthof Zur Gemutlichkeit

Urk... can't breathe... sinus filled with meat... glurk... (Dies, Smiling)

Or at least that is how I felt after leaving Gasthof, but I get ahead of myself once again.

Inside a deceptively small looking building is a beer hall style restaurant filled to the brim with patrons. As is my style, I had no intention of making reservations and explain this to the hostess. I'm not entirely sure what she says in reply because half of the people in the restaurant just started shouting, "Oi! Oi! Oi!" When I ask her to repeat herself it turns out she was apologising to me because the only table they have is a little table for two.

I look over at my companion, do some quick math, and realize that a table for two is, in fact, the perfect amount of table for us and wonder why the hostess is apologizing considering that it is the only sitting space left in the entire establishment and it is immediately available.

We are seated promptly, and in the time it takes for the waiter to arrive I look around. The waitresses are dashing about in blue dresses with white aprons, giving them the appearance of the classic German maid. Old men wander between the tables making small talk with patrons and playing their accordions. The entire establishment is alive with activity as people sing and toast and cheer. There is joy in the air.

Somewhere an Aryan queen begins to shout, "ZIGGY ZAGGY, ZIGGY ZAGGY!'

Her people respond, "Oi! Oi! Oi!"

Beer arrives and I drink along with the rest of the revelling crowd.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

I'm beginning to have trouble thinking in the cacophony, but I can't help but to think that I am in a very happy place as I gaze at the woodwork interior.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

Oi, that's getting irritating.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

Conversation struggles to take place.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

Oh hey, the food has arrived. Surprisingly fast-

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

-service considering how-

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"

-packed the place is.

Oh good, it quieted down enough that my companion and I can be civil again. The food is amazing and only comes in one portion size: too much. I stuff myself with sausage and beer and potatoes and brown gravy. It is all delicious. I highly recommend getting a platter for two, if you bring three or four people you might actually finish it. Also it ends with a shot of Apfelcorn liqueur (sweet and delicious) and you can get some snuff as an after dinner mint.

If you don't bring that many people I suggest just getting an entree, it will still be too much but not to such an extreme.

Words cannot begin to describe the joy I felt in the Gasthof. Everything is happy and the food is incredibly good. I almost regret the fact that Germany didn't conquer the world.

Go there, and make reservations if you have a party greater than two.

Atmosphere: Loud, but friendly. The decor makes the place inviting.
Food: Abundant.
Service: Great considering the circumstances.

Website: http://www.gasthofzg.com/

P.S. If you see an Asian girl in the German maid outfit, don't be too put off, just remember that equal opportunity employment is a good thing.

"Oi! Oi! Oi!"